Hesitation

In January I told a fellow missionary that I had a certain dollar amount to help her with her ministry.  I carefully tucked it away in my wallet, waiting to meet up with her in Haiti to give it to her.  I had been blessed with a little extra, and was so excited to be able to contribute financially to what God has called her to here in Haiti. 

But then I moved into an apartment, and every single extra penny that I had went to paying for that.  And the same thing will happen again in 2 weeks.  And I looked at that money, and counted what I had in addition to that, and started to get nervous.  How would I buy food?  What if I wanted to drink a soda or get eat a really nasty dry hamburger and pretend I was at McDonald’s? 

I left the money tucked into my wallet, and then last Thursday was so insanely blessed to meet this amazing missionary.  She is sold out.  Loves what she is doing, confident that God is guiding and directing her steps, and will continue to provide for her.  She has not been able to raise all the funds that she needs, not even close so far.  Even so, as I prepared to hand her the money, I had a moment of hesitation.  What if that was it?  What if I didn’t have enough money to buy food for the next month?  What was I going to do?  But I could feel that gentle, confident nudge to just do it, in faith, to hand her the money.  And so I did.  And I felt this crazy peace, and she left to return to her ministry.

That night I counted the money that I had left in Haiti, wondering how I was going to stretch it until I returned to the States sometime in April.  And again, I felt okay with it.  God and I have had adventures like this before.  So I thanked Him for the opportunity to be part of His kingdom work, and went to bed.

On Friday a couple who had spent the week serving at the orphanage handed me a note before they left to go home.  As I opened it, out fell the exact amount I had given away the day before.  God has provided for me in some pretty crazy ways, but this was definitely a first.  My mouth fell open, and I started laughing.  I think God might have been laughing too, because I think he delights in the realization that His children have, when we see His hand totally working for our good. 

He knew that I needed that reassurance that it would be ok, and sometimes I miss the awesome connections that He orchestrates for me, but not this time!  Thank you Father, for letting me see your provision this week.